Today I have so many reasons for missing you, sis.†
I could easily blame you, but do not do so because
I know the path I myself have taken and how strong a pull
boundaries have had on me. It was a day in February,
like today. Fresh, with mist hanging in the air. I came into
the room and you were lying on the sofa. Your face was
cold, your arms at your sides. This could have happened
any day. Every evening we were afraid of the night,
every morning we feared the day. Everything has its
appointed time, as you knew. Leaves fall when their time
to fall has come. But you anticipated your time.†
You have violated the laws of nature, and what
is worse, the silent agreement we had with each other.
We were to hold out together, no matter how dark
and winding the paths were that we took. We were
to save each other at all times, but I have not been able
to hold you back. Each time someone left you, you wanted
to leave the whole world. Like father once wanted to throw
your doll out the window, you threw yourself out of life.
I could have forgiven you everything, but not this act
since it it so irrevocable. I miss you. I miss your face,
your arms, your birthday cards. And I blame you today,
because you left us like no one ever left you.